Delibrate and Deep, I can't take this deeper panic.

Sometimes I think that I have made a mistake. Other times I can't believe how lucky I am. "It's the little things." they say. The big picture may be grand, but the little things add up. Is this all nonsense? Am I simply looking for a reason? Anything to shake me awake because I must be dreaming. Disjointed I've become disenchanted. Every day of silence is another crack in the illusion that I have built so carefully. I know you are trying but I can't take much more.

Don't tell me you don't know.

I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to last. I though it was all fine and dandy as they say. Now, I just don't know.

poisoned hearts will never change...

I wasn't prepared for that... I've battled many demons. Faced my biggest fears. I thought I had found happiness. I tried to ignore you. But you could always see. I thought that I had forgotten. Apparently that's not the case. Just a glance sent me into a whirlwind of doubt, questioning, possibly even regret. I don't even know anymore.

is anybody listening?

At times I feel as though one step forward just causes a huge step back. I know they mean well, but sometimes, I wish they would just keep their mouths shut. I'm sure they're causing more harm than good. I can ruin this on my own, and I seem to be doing a pretty damn good job.

Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless.

We are more alike than I thought possible. More than anything that scares me. I know what it's like in my mind and it's a terrible thought to think that someone else could think the way I do, at least similarly. Understanding I have come to learn is more frightening than not understanding at all. My only hope is that I can make you as happy as you've made me. Already, I'm far more gone than you know. Though, I think you may understand in some warped way. I am having a hard time understanding what exactly is happening. I'm trying to just go with it, but that doesn't seem to be working. Persistent is my forte, and I hope that it actually works this time. Hope, another dirty four letter word I had forgotten existed.

The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

I realize now, none of that mattered. Funny how things become clear once you are no longer in the heat of the moment. I can feel in my bones that this time it's different. I hope it's not just my mind trying to shield me from what's really happening.

The Devil Wears a black Suit.

my dear friend he is in a level of hell i cannot comprehend. Somewhere between lust and gluttony he stands with the fire in his eyes waiting for those of us who will let him feed on our souls. Those of us who will let him take all that we are. Then apologize that there is nothing left of us


when he casts us aside, we are not thrown out like trash. We are thrown back into this world we were ripped from with the memories of what was. the faint burn of his touch still coursing through your veins. incapacitated in daily life. We become junkies trying to get our next fix.

"But what will you tell people? Won't they ask?" she says.

I will tell them...I have met the Devil. And he wears a black suit.